Apr 01 - My Relationship With Instagram…
By Shameem Guilliano
Every morning I’ll wake up, check any emails or messages I may have on my phone and then automatically open up Instagram. I’ll scroll for about 10 minutes, then open up the Explore page, scroll for another 5 minutes and then I’ll check out the Following section to see what people I follow have liked recently (particularly hilarious when someone doesn’t realise they’ve liked the 10th random fetish page in a row and everyone can see that). Okay, done. I’ll then get out of bed, make myself a coffee and find myself opening Instagram again as if anything has honestly changed and some amazing, glorious photo I need to see right now has been posted.
I follow 363 pages consisting of makeup and beauty accounts, fashion accounts, people from Gibraltar, and cat and kitten accounts (yes, crazy cat lady right here). I love all these photos of people on their lovely holidays in Cancun or Bora Bora, wishing I had the same glamorous life. But no - I’m in my kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil in my odd socks and hair in a wild bun from sleeping. I can’t afford any of the clothes, makeup or holidays these people post so I decide to live vicariously through their Instagram feeds. It’s a dangerous game.
“Oh why oh why isn’t my life like that?” I whine.
The reply from whomever I complain to?
“Just delete Instagram, jeez.”
NO.
What if someone posts something truly amazing and I need to see it? As I’ve been writing this I’ve opened Instagram twice just to check out any new photos. It’s my absolute obsession and I hate it but it’s the quickest way to absorb the cultural content my brain constantly craves within a matter of seconds. Social media age, eh? How could I live without seeing everyone’s fitness journey through the mirror of a gym, everyone’s ramen noodle bowls, selfie upon selfie of weird facial expressions, people pouting who look like they’re actually struggling to pout and men raising their eyebrows in a Justin Bieber-esque way in an attempt to seduce?
If I see a photo of pizza on Instagram you can bet I Liked it, though.
I should delete Instagram.
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