Editor's Blog August 8th 2012
Don’t you just love the media?
So this is going to seem ludicrous but: I think the media is absolutely ridiculous sometimes. Yes I know... I work for the media... But that’s not the point. Since last week’s arrest of “the Turk” (pretty sure that was Solazzo’s nickname in the first Godfather film by the way), and the two Russians/Chechens in Madrid, the International press has gone mad.
The Mirror - Headline:
“Terror plot uncovered: al-Qaeda planned 'to fly kamikaze plane into Brits watching Olympics on big screen in Gibraltar'”
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/al-qaeda-attack-on-gibraltar-stopped-terrorists-1234792
The Mail:
“Al Qaeda trio arrested in Spain 'wanted to attack busy Gibraltar shopping centre from the air during the Olympics”
Read them for yourself they’re becoming James Bond films in a few years time for sure.
So it got me thinking, it’s time for YGTV’s Eddie to tell you the Real Version. And to be honest I think it’s the best one so far...
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Since they had already procured all the equipment they needed, our story shall start just some days ago, with “the Turk” walking out of McDonalds... He was hungry, and he didn’t like the McRib so he had a salad... Watching his weight maybe?
The devilish plan included aerial attacks but not as we had originally thought. Micro Lights weren’t an effective of way of targeting Casemates, but Monkeys with parachutes was. Suspected to have been trained in The Pakistani Terror Training Polytechnic (No private education they couldn’t afford it), these Monkeys (they’re Apes actually!) were trained rigorously to get them ready for this attack.
The plan was simple, each of the Apes would pick up a suicide vest, which included explosives and poisons, from there they would meet up on the north front of the Rock, maybe visit the upper galleries as some of them haven’t had a chance to see such a great Gibraltar Tourist Attraction, and from there they would launch the greatest aerial attack Casemates has ever seen, not including what the Seagulls have been doing for years.
“The Turk” and his associates, “Chechen 1” and “Chechen 2” (they always wanted nicknames but never found names that really suited them) have been identified as ex-carnie folk, with many years experience with travelling gypsies and training animals - especially monkeys, that they usually use for pick pocketing.
The plan was moving along swiftly and quoted in some newspaper somewhere around the world was the Turk saying “I would have got away with it too, if it weren’t for you pesky meddling kids!” A mystery vehicle (a sort of machine) was apparently driving up the rock, looking for a good place to... (hide the car and maybe skin up?) when they saw the apes walking in single file towards the north front.
Upper Rock nature reserve staff were called and the apes were distracted with crisp packets, grapes and the occasional chocolate bar, whose colourful wrappers delighted them and convinced them (not unlike the pied piper) to follow the staff back towards the Ape’s Den.
Thankfully the masterminds were apprehended after Siri, on one of their iPhones, decided that it didn’t want to be part of any terrorist attacks. Siri bravely set a calendar reminder, changed the morning alarm and then finally managed to call James Bond, who was engaged on another call, so he called Iron Man, who arrived straight away, rounded them all up and then left them for the Policia Nacional (Policia Local aren’t getting paid so no way they were risking their lives with terrorists).
And that, children, is what happened... Oh and the French, Spanish and British intelligence services were all involved, M, Q-Branch, Aston Martins, 005 through 009, Bond, Martinis and gadgets... All of them were definitely involved.. I think even Bruce Wayne may have made an appearance.
Received in Morse Code through a gadget watch given to Eddie by Q.
