Mar 11 - "How Can I Hate Women? My Mum's One."

Written on 11 March 2016.

By Stefano Blanca Sciacaluga

There are two very important facts of life. The first is that men love ribs. The second (and more important) is that women are great. They've always been, since the beginning of time, and I can prove it. Remember Adam and Eve? Well guess what, the idea of having Eve to enjoy the fancy Garden of Eden was so appealing to Adam that he gave up what he liked most, his ribs!

But he was just a regular, no-frills guy (like Michelle said of Barack), he was happy with the fig leaf and the cool garden. Eve on the other hand was a little more exciting and switched on, so when the snake was like "hey, eat this tasty apple for knowledge" she was like "you're a sssssilly sssssnake", she ate the apple macintosh and forced Adam to eat it, because he wasn't really up for some confrontation so it took some convincing. Oh, and then God was like "Eve, you saucy devil! You gave into temptation", and in a weird kind of failure for someone as powerful as God he was like "OK mates, you're going to earth and here are your punishments for being anti-establishment: Adam, you're gonna work like a mule growing crops to feed people and Eve, this is gonna be really hard for you, you're gonna have to give birth to children". Pretty great punishment if you ask me, I mean, men will never ever have the special bond a mother and child have and God thought this was like the worse of the two punishments, for the evil woman. Joker.

Of course it didn't stop there. Think of all the real badass women throughout history, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Marie Curie, Rosa Parks Florence Nightingale, Mother Theresa, Oprah or even Lisa Simpson; all of them way better than ribs from any animal. I mean, what would fashion be without Coco Chanel? Or music without Ella Fitzgerald, Aretha Franklin, Nina Simone, Madonna or even the queens that are Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton? Because women are strong, and funny, and super creative, and brave and a thousand other things; and look a lot better than the shaved apes most men are.

Just think about the awesome women in your own life. Because when I think about it I can't really thank women enough. Growing up would've been a lot different if it wasn't for my mum and her two sisters. Or the four or five women who helped me learn so much, from school through university, and made me truly develop into a fully functional male adult human. Or even all the great women who I'm lucky to call friends, from awesome musicians to artists, scientists, doctors, teachers, writers, and all round boss ass bitches.

Because if it wasn't for for the inquisitive mind and "whatevs" attitude of Eve it would've probably been Adam and Steve and that wouldn't have lasted long and not because of what you're thinking you sneaky orangutans (snake would've got them good).

So whenever you eat ribs, or even when you don't, like when you're just living life as a man, doing normal man things, think of that one time David Brent said "how can I hate women? My mum's one", and think of your mum, and all the other important women in your life; like your grandmother or Beyoncé.