By Ian Bonham

Dirty Grandpa (15)

Staring : Robert DeNiro, Zac Effron

Director : Dan Mazer

Writers : John Phillips

Duration : 1 hour, 35 minutes

Showing at Kings Bastion Leisure Cinemas to 3^rd February

Every year in Hollywood, the 'Black List' is circulated. This is a list of what are considered the best un-produced screenplays, and studios look closely at it to consider what to put in to production. In 2011, “Dirty Grandpa” was on the list. I am not entirely convinced that what ended up on screen was the original script, otherwise I have to believe studio executives that commissioned this are utterly out of their minds. I also don't want to believe De Niro and Effron signed up to star in this if they had read the script as it stands.

I am trying hard to find something to redeem this film, and if I am generous I can find a glimmer of hope. It does cover the impact it has on someone when they lose their life partner. When you have been married for over 40 years, I cannot imagine what loosing your wife or husband must do to the person left. I imagine there is an evaluation of their life, and the desire to maybe put right some decisions they consider mistakes. That 'seems' to be the plot device here, if I am being VERY forgiving. Getting there though, is one of the most painful experiences I have been through in my movie watching life.

So where does it all go horribly wrong? In my opinion, after about three minutes where they start making jokes about cancer. Well, I say jokes, I think the writer and director thought they were jokes but in all honesty not a single punch-line lands. After that opening they continue to try to find comedy in anything... mental health, sexuality, child rape, drugs, stereotypes, nothing is off the cards here. How one finds a joke in any of those subjects, or even tries to find a joke, is beyond me. I am looking at my notes, and I see I have written things like “Mounting horror” and “What are De Niro and Effron doing?”. At one point I have written down a line delivered by Effron which goes:

“I wanna throw up”,

and noted after it: “So do I.”

In other movies, this level of crass humour has worked. I think specifically of “The Inbetweeners” movies, where the characters are so completely naive but sympathetic that it becomes very funny. De Niro delivering material like this, which is also very badly written, becomes just very slightly sad. From a writing perspective this is John Phillips' first movie of note, and he has been signed up to write “Bad Santa 2”, which is immediately off my Christmas card list after this.

On directorial duties we have Dan Mazer, who gave us such gems as “Borat”, “The Dictator” and “Bruno”. Ah, now I see where things have gone so horribly wrong; he has form for taking offensiveness too far.

I hate writing a bad review, I genuinely do, because I love cinema. However when things like this get to the screen, I have to call it out as bad film making, because if we don't Hollywood will continue to deliver these turds. As I wrote at the beginning, there is an idea in there somewhere and that is glimpsed in the final 30 minutes, but only on the horizon. The amount of effluence you need to wade through to get there though doesn't make it worthwhile. Using the F-word does not make up for not having a punch-line to a joke. De Niro putting his thumb up Effron's bottom does not make for a joke, no matter how many times you use that.

My final note I made on this movie encapsulates it in one word:

Embarrassing.

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