By Alex Menez

This is about things we say that we think are normal but really aren’t…

Have you ever been in a shop outside of Gibraltar and asked for a size 6 1/2 of their Nike Air Rubbershoes? Well then you’re in the right place. 

Today I’m gonna have a wander through our oddest English terms than don’t make any sense in actual English but, instead, are just some super odd Llanito slang. 

I would like to start off with my favourite word of all time: 

POORISH

(poor-ish)

Child runs away from the other child chasing them during catch and as life flashes before this child’s eyes they remember they can scream the magical word that pauses all games: POORISH

E.g. 

Sophie Louise - “ John Paul would you like to play cops and robbers with my friends?” 

John Paul - “ Why yes Sophie Louise, I would love to” 

*5 mins into the game and John Paul is about to get caught by Sophie’s friend in a corner and there is no way of getting out*

John Paul - “ POOOORISHHHHHHHHHH”  

CAKIWAFER

(ca-ki-waye-fa)

An insult used to describe someone who’s weak or too scared to do something. Often used to make people feel inadequate and push them to do something. 

E.g.

*Standing at the end of the pier in Quarri with random new friends you made 10 minutes ago in the pool*

“Venga jump from the pier, don’t be a cakiwafer.”

She feels pressured but is most definitely not a cakiwafer.

*jumps into the water*

RUBBER SHOES

(ra-va-shu)

A pair of trainers. 

E.g.

Mum - “ I like your shoes Colin, son muy snazzy, adonde los comprate?”

Colin - “Son los Nike Air Max 97 Ultra, got them en footlocker pa £120 nada mas.”

Mum - “ CUANTO? Pero en Sport City tienen los rubber shoes de Nike pa £40!!!!!!” 

*Colin tries to escape*

HEAVY

(he-vi)

Yes this word is English but it’s more the way we use it that makes the word make no sense at all.

A word used to describe many things but mainly to intensify the meaning of something or what you're feeling.

E.g.

Adriene - “ Omg killa I keep on getting heavy bad cramps on the third and fourth day of my period.”

Natalia - “HEAAAAVYYYYY I get the same pero right before me pongo mala omg.”

Or

*Lifts up table to move it to the side*

Sarai - “Ahu this table is heavy heavy.”

Kayron - “Heavy sh*t.” 

Or

*4:00am in the bustops outside Pizzeria Plaza.*

Claire - “ Killa this pizza is heaaaaaavvyyyy bueno.”

Shaniece - “ Can I have a bite?” 

Claire - “ Ni chan.”

Shaniece - “ Killa that’s heavy shungo eh.”

PEE ON TOP

(pee-on-top)

It’s supposed to mean I’m going to wet/wee/pee myself but instead we accidentally say the direct English translation of the Spanish phrase “me voy a mear encima”.

E.g.

*In the toilet queue in Bruno’s on a Friday night, secretly wishing you had peed at Casino.*

Alex - “Omg, I’m gonna pee on top enserio, no puedo mas.”

Or 

*two 14-year-olds crying with laughter as the year of the turkey takes over them*

Janice - “The new religion teacher looks like JESUS BHAHAHA.” 

Stacy - “OMG JANICE PARA KILLA I’M GONNA PEE ON TOP.”

PIKISLAVIS

(pi-ki-sla-vis)

A table full of snacks and tapas, glittered with favourites such as: Jamon Serrano, chorizo, queso, olives, crisps, fuet, pâté, bread and anything you have in the fridge that’s worth eating.

NO?

(noh)

You can only pronounce this as a question, as it’s really just a verbal question mark. 

E.g.

Bethany - “We’re still going to la Cañada on Saturday, no?”

Or

Micheal - “Mira guys, you know how last week I went for a vuelta con Soraya, no? Bueno she told me que el Louisito has gone to uni and pretends to have an English accent now.” 

Jason and Aaron - “ Nooooh, no???? Enserio?” 

Micheal - “Si.”

BORROW ME 

(bor-ow-mi)

Instead of using the word lend, we seem to have developed the habit in our youth to say confusing things like this. 

E.g.

Joseph - “ Liaaaannnneeeee can you borrow me a pencil please, I promise not to loose it I swear.” 

Lianne - “ Okay I will borrow you it but only if you give me one of your crisps at lunch.” 

There’s many many more, just follow the link : https://www.facebook.com/alex.menez.94/posts/10155557904357913

On the bright side, we are lucky to have such a great mix of weird and wonderful words and phrases. Now have a laugh, smile and carry on with your day but please don’t eat your coconut.

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