Editor's Blog May 08th 2012
The Broken Human
For all our technological advances we are still very flawed, being human will inevitably lead us to some very strange behaviors and things that our bodies do without our control.
Take the humble booger, it offers no calorific value, yet there are some who walk amongst us that will pick their nose, observe the takings sat on the tip of their index finger, have a quick look around to see who is watching and wolf it down. I saw this yesterday in the parking lot at a well-known, extremely expensive, local supermarket.
Farting, can be the funniest thing in the world, but not if it is you who is the fartee. The build up of gases can cause extreme pain and no end of clenching your butt cheeks together will save you from taming a pant ripper, especially when you are with someone else or in a packed lift. Even if you happen to subdue the brown growler, there is absolutely no guarantee that it will not smell like a dead dog on the Malaga road…In August. But if alone or in the company of someone you trust, a well-timed fart can produce no end of giggles. For some of us it is the best game in the world.
There are many religious types that would have you believe that masturbation is the bane of all spotty teenagers, a personal affront to their deity of choice. They will also go on to say that it decreases your brainpower and if done excessively you will go blind or impotent. Pleasing oneself to orgasm is something that almost all of us would never admit to doing, yet I know you do. A lot.
If you were to be caught in the middle of some gusset typing or waxing the dolphin, you would almost certainly fall foul of blushing. Blushing is one of those things like farting, which rear their ugly heads at the worst possible time. This involuntary reaction is caused when adrenalin is pumped into the body, which will dilate the capillaries in your face and chest when we are embarrassed (generally worse in fair-haired people). It normally starts when we get caught out in a lie, or we like someone and you get rumbled by your so-called friend, in front of the object of your desires. What is the point of having a mechanism that gives you away every time you are frivolous with the truth?
Kissing, although pleasurable, in the extreme is something that does not make any sense. Even the cleanest of mouths contain bacteria and even on the best of days we may suffer with the halitosis monster. But what possesses us to share spit? Some Boffins have looked at this and they tell us that kissing started way back in our history when mothers would chew food for their infants and pass on the to the child orally. Mothers would then continue to do this to calm a child down later in life. How it got to where two consenting adults would do the tongue Tango is a complete mystery. Yet if there is no other reason for kissing, I will take the fact that it feels great.
There are hundreds of other things we do and really do not understand why we do them. I look at the human body and all its failings and yet wonder why people still insist that man/woman was created by some kind of Supreme Being in his own image.
The mind, like the body of the modern human, is flawed on so many levels that you would have to think that if a designer came up with the basic premise of a human, as we know them today, he/she would totally get fired.
If god created man in his own image, what the hell was he thinking when he created Ron Jeremy?
Ed.
