By Alex Menez

After another two draining weeks of carb and sugar deprivation, Stefano and I are surprisingly alive.

We've stuck to this KETO thing about 80-90% of the time and finally seem to be reaping the rewards but, I must say, these last two weeks have not been easy. 

WEEK 2 (THE LONGEST WEEK OF OUR/MAINLY MY LIFE)

Monday to Friday consisted of us being good kids, eating correctly and riding around on Redibikes.

We ate lots of meat, vegetables, cheese, peanut-butter and my new favourite Cauliflower cheese. 

Although it may sound simple, it actually wasn't as I got the period from HELL.

You know one of those periods where you could either eat 14 servings of Mac and Cheese or cry for hours about how your eyebrows aren't even looking like family ya.

Due to the lack of Fanta, Coke, ice cream and japonesas in my life, my sugar levels plummeted and have forced me into my "emotional 15 year old me" state. Which isn't pretty. 

Stefano on the other hand is; 

1. Not that much of a drama queen

2. DOES NOT HAVE AND WILL NEVER HAVE A PERIOD 

Ya by Friday I was less of an emotional wreck and we went out for some banging cheap fish en el Manchester Club but also then also proceeded to drink my way into ROTR and also had a Pink Floyd shot. 

Are shots KETO friendly? asking for a friend.

I don't remember much after that but apparently Stefano and I shared a slice of pizza from Pizzeria Plaza which I guess is better than our usual order of two pizzas lol

Sunday Stefano and I had the day off as there was a family birthday party at the beach and NO DIET can stop us eating cake or little ham bollitos. 

I have no words to describe how beautiful that merengue cake de toda la vida tasted.

Stefano had some chocolate cake which was apparently la caña but oddly enough, even though sugar runs through my veins... I am actually not a fan of chocolate cake. 

We also aprovashated our cheat day and ate a POLLLLLLLOOOO ASSSADDDDOOOOO and chips at the beach because you only live once. 

Anyways, I'm pretty sure Stefano and I burnt off the everything chasing children and dodging 5 MILLION jelly fish so all in all a pretty productive week. 

WEEK 3 (IT'S GETTING EASIER GUYS)

Okay so by now we're both feeling pretty energised and not bloated in the slightest. It's quite nice if I'm honest but there's just one giant problem. 

MEAT

We're not used to this large intake of meat, like I swear we've been living on beans, pulses and vegetables for the last 6 months. 

We all know what means those three mean; 

P O O P S ( CA-CA )

And what happens if there is no beans or pulses in my life?

Apart from that, things have been pretty sweet...

UNTIL

The weekend came along and shat all over this KETO diet. 

Friday we indulged in some pizza, cheesy chips and croquetas (I missed you so much baby).

Saturday we dabbled in some paella... and some take away egg fried rice...

and then Sunday happened...

We ordered the contents of Raj's Curry House and found ourselves in McDonalds plc at 9pm at night ordering crap like this:

Now in the moment this all felt pretty worth it but in hindsight, I regret it all as it's three days later and my tummy still hurts. Please send help and join us next week to find out if Stefano and I haven't died.